ordinary extraordinary

We're Even

The comment that made my Carpool Buddy snort coffee, uttered during an alternate merge when the female driver of a white Escalade tried to gun her engine and close a gap thereby depriving my of my rightful place in front of her:

How about you try not being a douchebag? 'Cause I will happily run your ass into the shoulder. Eat guardrail, bitch.

I'm such a delicate flower.

Later, as we're driving past a large Jewish temple where one service is clearly letting out and another is about to begin, he pipes up:

Wow, it's like the changing of the Jews or something!

Good thing I was driving rather than drinking. We're even now.

Therapist-fu

Earlier today, VT and I were discussing the fact that it seems to be National Relationship Drama Week. Though VT and I both have strong therapist-fu, she's had more practice and consequently has these conversations down to a science:

She: . . . i have just had a METRIC FUCK-TON of practice with this
She: sometimes i catch myself thinking, 'hmmm... it's been 17 minutes. we ought to be hitting the 'i just don't know what he's thinking' point of the conversation... oh, yeah, there we go.'
Me: That's both awful and brilliant
She: 'minute 48... ooh, i'm overdue to say DTMFA. better work that in.'
She: and i mouth, 'but you don't know what they're like!' as they say it, or type it.
She: 'yeah, of course i don't know him as well as you do.' [thank all the gods]
She: when they say, 'i just have this feeling that we're somehow supposed to be in each other's lives!' i start waiting until the word 'destiny' comes up.
She: or 'karma.'
She: i ought to make a bingo chart.

She: . . .and then there's the Not Quite Ready To Break Up With Them conversation.
She: which also has its own pattern:

them: Snugglewumpkins is the most horrible person ever!
me: DTMFA.
them: i hate how they treat me like crap!
me: DTMFA.
them: they never do X, or Y, or Z, and i wish they'd stop doing Q.
me: DTMFA.
them: lots of tearful reminiscing about how it used to be good, and wondering what changed.
me, checking the clock: look, you can either go to a couples therapist and work it out, or leave them.
them: oh, it's not that bad.
me: sigh.

She: then it's time for Son of Not Quite Ready To Break Up With Them.

them: i just don't know what i should do!
me: DTMFA.
them: but i love them!
me: news flash -- they don't love you. DTMFA.
them: they're not that bad!
me: okay, look. if 'not that bad' means they lie to you, ignore you, cheat on you, manipulate you, and make you spend time wondering what they're thinking and crying a lot? they're that bad. DTMFA.
them: don't tell me what to do! *stomps off*
me: sigh.

Me: You have the patience of a saint.
She: depending on the person, you can go through: Grandson of Not Quite Ready To Break Up With Them; Second Cousin of Not Quite Ready To Break Up With Them; I Might Almost Be Ready To Break Up With Them;
She: No, Really, I Will Break Up With Them
She: Oh, Shit, I Was Going to Break Up With Them But Then We Had Sex
She: Okay, For Real This Time
She: Not Quite Ready To Break Up With Them, I Know, I Know
She: and HOLY CRAP THEY BROKE UP WITH ME!
She: HOW!?!
She: WHY?!!!
She: and then *those* conversations run like this:

them: they were horrible!
me: yep.
them: they were evil! they lied to me! ignored me! cheated on me! manipulated me! i spent all this time wondering what they were thinking! why did i waste all that time and energy on them?!
me: uh, yeah.
them: why didn't you SAY something?
me: come here and run your head into my fist, won't you?

She: time passes
She: and then, a couple of months later...
She: them: i met someone!
She: AUUUGGGGHHH

I was laughing out loud at my desk as this conversation unfolded; I'm pretty sure my co-workers think I've finally cracked.

Sweet Ride

The LD and I have been tossing around the idea of carpooling for some time now. We live less than a mile apart and generally work the same hours, but for some reason we haven't quite made the leap to ride-sharing yet.

Today, when prices crossed the $4/gallon mark at our local gas station, I got this email from him:

Gas is expensive. Really expensive. It would be cheaper to fill my car with Voss Water. Are you interested in carpooling? I own an irresistable '99 Mustang. Sweet ride.

Have I mentioned lately how glad I am that I bought an SUV right before gas prices started to spiral out of control? Yeah. Great choice. My response:

Yes! Can't wait to go for a spin in that "sweet ride."

So, as of Monday morning, I'll be carpooling a few days a week. Hopefully now I'll be able to afford to eat again.

Authenticity

Go read this.

No, right now, because John Mayer just shot an arrow straight to the heart of modern society:

I haven't spoken very much out loud these days, but I've been thinking to myself in what feels like surround sound. I can see so many things clearly, and feel so connected to myself and the world around me that I need to share the perspective with you.

. . .

What I'm about to write isn't about fame or success or celebrity or the media. That's my business.

This is about us all.

This is about a level of self consciousness so high in my generation, that it's actually toxic.

. . .

This is about us all. Every one of us. Who all seem to know deep down that it's incredibly hard to be alive and interact with the world around us but will try and cover it up at any cost. For as badass and unaffected as we try to come off, we're all just one sentence away from being brought to the edge of tears, if only it was worded right.

Best Trip Ever

So my Dad's a big rockstar and got flown to Oslo last week for just one day:

Me: How was your trip?
He: Getting there was fine, got everything done that I needed to while I was there, but the trip back was the best business trip I have ever taken.
Me: Why?
He: The plane was hours late, it was packed full, the cabin was overheated, and weather made the turbulence almost constant.
Me: ...? So that was sarcasm, then?
He: No, it was the best trip ever. You see, me and one other gentleman were stuck in the middle of a big block of seats that had been reserved by one group.
Me: That doesn't sound like a good thing.
He: It was a group of Norwegian cheerleaders. 43 Norwegian cheerleaders to be exact.
Me: Aaaaaaah
He: I found myself looking heavenward saying "Lord, I know you don't hear from me very often, but I'd just like to say - thank you."

God's Standards

People, I don't care who you vote for as long as you don't vote for this douchebag:

I have opponents in this race who do not want to change the Constitution. But I believe it's a lot easier to change the Constitution than it would be to change the word of the living god. And that's what we need to do -- to amend the Constitution so it's in God's standards rather than try to change God's standards so it lines up with some contemporary view. - Mike Huckabee, 1/15/08

I'm guessing that he plans to start with the First Amendment:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Holiday Preparation

In the office behind me, an Associate Producer is on the phone:

He: Oh man, you're talking about a lot of people huh? We're totally going to have to invest in some hookers & livestock! Wow, Julie's coming?! I haven't seen her since our Chester the Molestor days. Sweet!

Muy Tired

This evening, after getting our asses kicked by the Boxing instructor:

Me: I am going home to to take a shower, and go to bed.
She: I am going home to eat dinner; I'm SO hungry.
Me: Oh my god, last night I was starving after class but I had no food at home so I had to stop at Ralph's. I was wandering around the market in such a daze, I just wanted someone to hand me something so I could buy it and get home.
She: Oh yeah, I know those nights. Those are the nights when you don't even have the energy to microwave something - you just look at the label and think "I have to stir and recover? Now way, that's way too much work."

Housework

Words cannot describe how much I love this photo and its caption.

(Thanks, Jason!)

Sometimes, I love my job: Part 2

So we did a walkthrough with the leopard handlers, which prompted this email from my boss:

the one note we did get was that the jib movement could spook [the leopard], so whatever you can do to minimize that would be great.

And the following response from our smart ass Technical Director:

Should we keep an iso reel running on [the jib op], so we have some cool video in the event he is mauled*? :)

On days like this, it's hard not to love my job.

_____
*Never fear, animal lovers - the leopard will be in a cage so there is no danger to her or to anyone else.