Ordinary Extraordinary

Gotcha Journalism

John McCain has been accusing the media of practicing "gotcha" journalism and jumping on any opportunity to twist Palin's words and make her sound uninformed (see: the Pakistan thing).

Sadly, they don't need to twist her words. Here, for example, is a transcript of her exchange with Katie Couric re: the bail-out.

Katie Couric: Why isn't it better, Gov. Palin, to spend $700 billion helping middle-class families who are struggling with health care, housing, gas and groceries; allow them to spend more and put more money into the economy instead of helping these big financial institutions that played a role in creating this mess?

Gov. Sarah Palin: That's why I say I, like every American I'm speaking with, we're ill about this position that we have been put in where it is the taxpayers looking to bail out. But ultimately, what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the health-care reform that is needed to help shore up our economy, helping the -- it's got to be all about job creation, too, shoring up our economy and putting it back on the right track. So health-care reform and reducing taxes and reining in spending has got to accompany tax reductions and tax relief for Americans. And trade, we've got to see trade as opportunity, not as a competitive, scary thing. But one in five jobs being created in the trade sector today, we've got to look at that as more opportunity. All those things under the umbrella of job creation. This bailout is a part of that.

Err.... WHAT? Granted, it was a poorly worded and heavily weighted question, but there wasn't a complete, coherent sentence in her entire response. She sounds like a sound bite generating robot with a short circuit.

The shame of it is that I like John McCain. If he'd beat out Bush for the Republican nomination in 2000 I would have voted for him in a heartbeat, but I think he's missed his window. (He even admitted that himself in 2000, saying that by 2008 he'd "be ready to go down to the old soldiers home and await the cavalry charge there.") Still, I might have been swayed back into his camp with a solid Vice Presidential pick, especially after Obama (who I love) picked Biden (who I loathe). Palin, however, couldn't be farther from solid and I am terrified of the thought that she could someday sit in the Oval Office. No chance in hell I'd cast a vote that would put her anywhere near the Vice Presidency. No fucking way.

Please somebody, anybody, talk some sense into the Republican party so that this woman steps down. She's so clearly out of her league that her continued presence on the Republican ticket is nothing short of an embarrassment.

To quote Michael Seitzman:

Stop voting for people you want to have a beer with. Stop voting for folksy. Stop voting for people who remind you of your neighbor. Stop voting for the ideologically intransigent, the staggeringly ignorant, and the blazingly incompetent.

Vote for someone smarter than you. Vote for someone who inspires you. Vote for someone who has not only traveled the world but who has also shown a deep understanding and compassion for it. The stakes are real and they're terrifyingly high. This election matters. It matters. It really matters. Let me say that one more time. This. Really. Matters.

One More Reason to Adore Jon Stewart

Bleeding Love

I came across this clip from So You Think You Can Dance on a friend's blog this morning. He'd titled the post "Ouch" so I was expecting some sort of epic injury-inducing collision.

As is turns out this is an entirely different, though perhaps even more painful, type of "ouch:"

Bob Knows Best

I totally have a new favorite local band, and its name is Bob Knows Best. From the website:

The band’s original songs have earned them comparisons to Weird Al Yankovic, They Might Be Giants, Barenaked Ladies, Tenacious D, and Flight of the Conchords. . . The Mission of Bob Knows Best, or BKB for short, is to expose the band's listeners to a selection of songs to quench their diverse musical thirst and put a smile on their faces at the same time. BKB can take you to the funk of the 70’s, the vaudevillian sounds of 1910, the country flavor of yesteryear and then back to the rock sounds of today.

Shy Guy and I went to see them on Friday night and we had an absolute blast. Not only are the band members extremely talented musicians, but the songs are catchy and funny as hell they put on a great show. I highly suggest that you click on over to their MySpace page and listen to a few tracks; you'll be glad you did.

YEAH BABY!!!

Giants Receiver David Tyree making
the CATCH OF THE GAME in Super Bowl XLII.
Photo: Matt Slocum

Oh how the mighty have fallen. And you know what? I couldn't be happier (and not just because I've been a Giants fan since birth). Though I was prepared to have some sympathy for the Patriots as they watched their hopes of being 19-0 get dashed, Belichek managed to obliterate that idea by abandoning his team on the field for the last official play of the game.

Suck it Belichek, you graceless, cheating jackass. The simple fact is, the Giants outplayed your boys for all four quarters.

The Giants understood what was at stake, they brought thier A-Game, and in what was possibly the most nail-biting fourth quarter play of all time Manning & Tyree were nothing short of heroic. Eli breaking free of almost the entire Pats defensive line and hurling the ball 32 yards, where David Tyree kept possession by sticking it to his freaking helmet? That is Super Bowl quality football.

I know that in the days to come, the Patriots PR machine will come out with all manner of excuses for why the Patriots played so poorly, and that annoys me. The Giants earned this victory, and they've earned the right to enjoy it without any excuses from their opponents.

God I love football, and I am so sad that the start of the 2008 season is so far away.

Hey, Patriots, how about you add "learn to lose with dignity" to your list of things to do in the off-season? It's a skill you're sorely lacking.

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday

Sunday afternoon, February 3rd.

It's cold outside (for Los Angeles, anyway) and pouring rain. My new Crock Pot is full of delicious smelling chili ingredients, which are slowly but surely becoming chili. The cats are snoozing peacefully on my bed. The Super Bowl is on in a little while, and after the game I'll head down to Costa Mesa to see Demz, my favorite Road Dog. The Bossman is snowboarding until Tuesday, so the work week promises to start comparatively peacefully.

Today, life is pretty good.

Silence! I kill you!

I know I'm late to the party here, but this is some of the funniest shit I've seen in quite some time:

Many thanks to The Fireman for sending me this little gem and brightening up what was otherwise an awful day.

Pet Peeve

Dear NFL Commentators,

Please stop referring to LaDainian Tomlinson as "LT." There is only one LT, Lawrence Taylor, and he retired in 1993.

You prompt attention to this matter is appreciated.

Best,
Amandarin

Friday Food For Thought

Shake it, baby

I know where I'm going to be tomorrow night, how about you?

What I'm Watching

I have a confession to make. I don't own a TiVo, or a DVR of any kind.

(Dave? Hilly? You guys OK? That thud I just heard wasn't you two fainting from shock, was it?)

I know, I know, but here's the thing: Episodic television has pretty much sucked for the last few years so there haven't been too many shows in which I've been interested. Lost had me for awhile, but I was done as soon as the writers got lazy and started adding new plot twists rather than resolving the old ones. I mean, has there been any explanation of the polar bears from the first two episodes?? Plus, I make TV for a living so the last thing that I want to do is come home and watch more of it.

All that being said, I'm finally considering investing in a TiVo because holy crap! There are actually good shows on again! Here's what I'm hooked on so far:

• Dancing With The Stars - It's like watching Strictly Ballroom every week! Plus, Mongo works on it and I am all about supporting my friends.

• Bones - I've written before about my love for this show and it just keeps growing with every episode. It's the best show on television, seriously.

• Reaper - I was very, very skeptical about this series. The premise sounded shaky to me and, as a general rule, I hate the CW's programming; I wasn't too excited. But then I heard that it was a Kevin Smith project and I adore everything he's ever done (Yes, even Jersey Girl, Shut up.) so I had to check it out. I am SO glad that I did - the characters are engaging and the writing is sharp and clever. I can't remember the last time a show actually made me laugh out loud, but this one does.

• Cane - OMG this show is the new Dallas, except with less hairspray, and more Jimmy Smits. And with hot Latin guys who seem to spend an inordinate amount of time gleaming with sweat, looking at people with brooding bedroom eyes, and speaking Spanish (the show is subtitled whenever they slip into Spanish). The eye candy alone is enough of a reason to tune in, the awesome primetime-soap-opera story line is just a perk.

• Pushing Daisies - Love it, love it, love it, and Snackie explains why far better than I could.

• Ghost Hunters - Two Roto-Rooter plumbers who hunt ghosts by night? A hot, tattooed former police officer who's afraid of everything BUT ghosts? Um, yes please!

• Survivor: China - I'm so ashamed that I'm back on the Survivor bandwagon, but I can't help it. I want to see if Fei Long finally gives up and eats Courtney - she's about snack sized.

• And my perenial favorites, Deadliest Catch & Lobster Wars.
  

I'm still on the fence about Bionic Woman, Dirty Sexy Money, Supernatural, and Moonlight. There are things that I like about all of them, but I don't think I like them enough to stay interested for a whole season. We'll see.

I'm stunned that there's even one show in which I'm interested, nevermind seven. When did primetime get good again?

So... what are YOU guys watching?

Open Letter: MTV Edition

Dear MTV,

You fought a hard battle to resuscitate the VMAs. Really, you did. After watching your ratings tank for the last couple of years, you decided to put all your chips in on one last hand with a new location, new format, and new categories. A valiant effort.

However, I think it's safe to say that you lost that hand; it's time to back away from the table and head back to your hotel suite to sleep it off. Maybe when you wake up, it will all have been a bad dream.

Your first mistake was signing Britney up to open the show. Not only has she not had an album out since 2004, she's a complete trainwreck. Unsurprisingly, she wandered through her choreography and mumbled through her lip-sync, looking slightly confused and lost in the bright lights the whole time. She was painful to watch, but it was moderately entertaining to watch the audience members try to keep a straight face when the cameras panned across them.

Your second mistake was Sarah Silverman. As has been proven countless times before, she is not funny when she's put in any kind of hosting situation. Scripted comedy? FIne. Stand up? Fine? But she is not good at hosting and you people need to stop making her try. Plus, did she really need to do so many Britney jokes? The audience was already squirming from Britney's performance, the tired old jokes about her cooch and her kids were totally unnecessary.

Your third mistake was the new categories. "Monster SIngle of the Year" essentially translates to "Most Overplayed Song of the Year" and "Quadruple Threat of the Year" is just... stupid. Stop it. Just stop it.

There were some mistakes on the technical side too. Please fire whoever designed the seating arrangement. It should never take a winner more than 45 seconds to get to the stage; watching Beyonce squeeze her way between tables didn't exactly make for compelling television. If you insist on having the tables that close together so they can be danced on later, at least have the good sense to put the nominees at the front and on the outside edges so they have some hope of getting on the stage to accept their awards in a reasonable amount of time.

Also, please fire your Graphics department. The robotic nomination packages got old really, really fast.

All that being said, there were some highlights. Chris Brown gave an absolutely phenomenal performance (which should have opened the show) and Justin totally gets a round of applause for asking (twice!) that you "play more damn videos." The suite parties were way more entertaining than the main show and hey, at least now we know the title of the next Indiana Jones movie. But a handful of highlights does not a good show make.

I realize that I'm dating myself with this question, but do you remember when the Video Music Awards were about, I don't know... music? And videos?

Yeah, neither do I.

Perhaps next year you'd like to refresh everyone's memory?

No Love,
Me

Watch the stars

Rest in peace, Maestro.
Would that tomorrow morning's light could dissolve your silence.

Such as...

I saw this over at Jesus' Favorite and I simply had to share it.

I have to give Mario Lopez huge props for maintaining his composure; I think I would have laughed wept.

Ghost in a Teeny Bikini

So I'm watching this movie on Skinemax Cinemax called Ghost in a Teeny Bikini.

(Hey, you'd get sucked into it too if you happened to flip past it as I did, just when a French maid was making awkward sexual innuendos and brandishing her feather duster like a baseball bat. Some things are so awful that you just can't look away.)

I have decided that this is my new favorite Cinemax-after-dark trainwreck for two reasons:

1. It's about a ghost. In a bikini. An invisible ghost in a (teeny) hot pink bikini!
2. It's a musical. A musical softcore porn about a ghost who wears a (teeny) hot pink bikini! Please enjoy the full scope of that mental image.

The butler, who is supposed to look like Frankenstein but looks more like a stoner wearing lift shoes, adds plenty of comedic value too.

Best Worst Movie Ever, seriously.

Could Have

This week was simply chock full of blog fodder!

• I could have written about the bomb scare that shut down four blocks of the street on which I work Monday afternoon. Every single building in the area was evacuated - except mine.


• I could have written about my Catalan lessons and my tutor's continued refusal to speak to me in English. Not only are we great at charades, we're getting pretty good at Pictionary, too! I also could have blogged about how written Catalan barely resembles spoken Catalan and how much fun it is to try to figure out how to pronounce a new word when they're not spelled phonetically at all.


• I could have written about children, and the magnetism I seem to have for them lately. No matter where I am - at my Catalan lesson, at the laundromat, at the grocery store - they're following me around as though I am the Pied Piper. (Though I haven't lured any of them into a cave. Yet.)


• I could have written about the tropical wedding I didn't attend, the birthday invitations I had to decline, the drinks I completely forgot about, and the Curry Night I had to miss because of (you guessed it!) work. Also? I could have written about my frustrations over working this f*@%$*g much and still being this f*@%$*g broke.


• I could have written about the car accident I got into on Wednesday night and how awesome THAT was at the end of a 12 hour day.


• I could have written about Mongo, and how much he rocks for forcing me to go out and have food and beer, on him.


• I could have written about my friend Tom, who died early in the week - nearly a year to the day after Curtis (a mutual friend of ours) died under extremely similar circumstances. My friends & family could stop being plagued with cancer ANY day now, thanks.
  


• I could have written about working 6 days in a week and how, because Murphy is a bastard, the 6th day was the biggest nightmare goat rodeo of them all.


• I could have written about the new flowers & herbs I planted today, and how happy they make me.


• I could have written a long and eloquent post in honor of my Dad on Father's Day.


• I could have written about my tomato-stealing neighbor and how she is proof that if you give people an inch they will take a mile every tomato off your (6' tall!) vines.


• And of course, I could have written about The Fireman and how he continues to amaze and delight me every day. Even in the face of some serious things with which he's currently dealing, he never fails to make feel loved and cherished. I only hope that he can say the same of me.

Yep, it sure could have been a great week of blogging here at amandarin.net...

Would Have

Guess what boys & girls? It's time for another installment of Things I Would Have Written About If My Job Hadn't Eaten My Life:

• I would have written about Firebug's boyfriend flying me up to San Francisco last weekend as a surprise gift for her 30th birthday. That post would have included such gems as an explanation of why I'm kind of a big deal in Oakland, a description of the best burrito I have ever eaten, a review of Knocked Up, and a list of 50 reasons I no longer like to fly (hint: none of them have to do with heights, airsickness, or technophobia).
• I would have written about jury duty, and how I got it postponed the morning I had to appear.
• I would have written about the Ocean's 13 premiere, specifically about how rad Brad Pitt's car is (it was parked right next to our truck), how our Director got mistaken for George Clooney, and how I won the respect of an entire crew by carrying 120lbs of cable 20 yards. Also? I would have written about how glamorous my job is, as exemplified by our catered lunch which was served in a private corner between the urine-soaked alley and our generator. Ah, Hollywood.
• I would have written about the fact that Keith and I have set up a near-weekly lunch date and how much that rocks.
• I would have written about Orbit's Mint Mojito gum: Best. Gum. Ever. It tastes exactly like a mojito!
• I would have written about work and how I now have all the responsibilities of a promotion without either the new title or accompanying raise.
• I would have written about the Tomato Plants That Might Eat Pasadena, and the death of two of my bean plants (*sniff*).
• I would have written about my language tutor and her stalwart refusal to speak in English. We're getting very good at charades.
• I would have written work some more, especially since I logged 60 hours Monday - Friday and then went in for another 8 today.

So... yeah. That's what I would have written about, if I'd had the time.

Must See TV

Are you watching Deadliest Catch yet? Why not? It's freaking brilliant, especially because the Narrator gets to say things like:

For old salts like Russel, there's only one way to deal with bad fishing: complain. A lot.

and

The Skipper quickly counts heads on deck. Fortunately, the 20 foot wave hasn't washed anyone out to sea. This time.

Seriously people, set your TiVo. I think this is my new favorite show.

Rebel Without a Cause

Today was a day.

A really CRAPPY day.

The kind of day that makes you want to throw your cell phone out the window, knock over your desk, and run screaming for the hills.

Perhaps you can imagine the mood I was in as I was walked down the hallway outside one of our studios, cursing my job and trying to decide how many times to use the phrase "goat rodeo" in my resignation letter.

Then I ran into a Stormtrooper.

Literally.

I went around a corner quickly, wasn't paying attention, and found myself eyes-to-chestplate with an overly tall Stormtrooper. There were four more behind him, chatting with an Imperial Officer and one of my cameramen while they waited for their next shot.

There was nothing I could do but laugh.

Seriously, how bad could by job be? Nobody else gets to run into Stormtroopers in the hallway!

Please, listen.

As I was driving home tonight, enjoying my favorite guilty pleasure*, I heard the following dedication:

Girl: Hi, this is Jessica and I want to make a dedication?
Karen: Yes Jessica, what can we play for you?
Girl: Um, I Will Always Love You?
Karen: And who do you want to dedicate that to tonight?
Girl: To Justin. I just want to tell him that I love him and that I'll never leave him.
Karen: Ah, are you two having some problems?
Girl: No, I just want to tell him that because I love him and we have an amazing relationship.
Karen: ... OK Jessica, I'll be happy to play that for you. Justin? This one's going out just to you. It's I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston here on "Love Songs on the KOST."Please

Gee, Jessica, which part of the song do you think will show Justin your unwillingness to leave his side? The part that says So I'll go, but I know I'll think of you every step of the way? Or the part that says So good-bye. Please, don't cry. We both know I'm not what you, you need?

People, please. THINK before you make a song dedication, will you? Listen to ALL the lyrics, not just the freaking chorus.

Sheesh.

-----
*I know, I know - Karen Sharp is more annoying than Paris Hilton. But the romantic in me likes the fact that there's an entire radio show dedicated to telling others how much they're loved, or treasured, or missed. It restores some measure of my faith in humanity.

She's got living to do, baby

The L.A. Times did an article on Joy Nash this morning. When she posted on her blog that she was going to be interviewed, I admit that I was skeptical - the L.A. Times is not known for its balanced reporting, especially on anything entertainment, image, or style related.

This article, however, is FABULOUS.

I love that it's The Mirror story, the daily style item.

I love that the writer understands Joy's project isn't about reforming America, but about reforming "fat people's attitude toward themselves."

I love that the article is entirely positive; there's not one snide comment in the mix.

Still don't know what all the fuss is about? Go here to watch A Fat Rant.

Light Green

Like many others, I've been largely silent on the issue of Global Warming. Not because I don't think that it's important (I do), but because the debate raging over it is so volatile that it seems we'll never be able engage in any sort of dispassionate discourse. How are we to agree on a solution to a problem when we're so busy arguing over its validity?

Enter a voice of reason: John Mayer's Light Green approach to reversing Global Warming.

In the "degree of difficulty" column, reversing the effects of global warming is a .5 out of a possible 10, at least in theory. You just get back by reversing the way you came. No accounting for a volatile political world stage, or clashing of belief structures. Just throw this bitch in reverse and we're home.

The trouble is, nobody has managed to come close to bringing this issue to you in a way that doesn't turn you off. At best, it's a bore, and at worst (toilet paper square accounting?) it's insulting to human autonomy.

It seems to me that when it comes to this issue, we've been given only two sides to pick from: side one says the future of global warming does not present a doomsday scenario, almost chuckling the matter aside. Side two says it is a dire issue (which it is), and then goes on to inundate side one with so many separate nakedly-scientific points that they make naivete' seem cozy by comparison.

So here I am, introducing a third side.

. . .

Pick one thing to change this year, and keep the rest of your life the same. After all, the only message the charts with escalating red lines are meant to send is that the red lines have to stop escalating, not that hey have to drop to the bottom of the graph by next Tuesday.

At last, a simple personal plan devoid of doomsday haranguing or political dogma. Now this? This we can do, one small change at a time.

Shake it!

Oh yes friends, it's that time of the month again, time for BootieLA, and this month we're rockin' the super special Cinquo de Mayo edition!

Be there, or be square!

Reason #10,482...

... that I love my Santa Barbara family:

Me: Have you seen this?
She: WTF? This Barbaro thing was completely off my radar. People, you need to get a life.
Me: AMEN
She: They know he was a horse, right?
Me: Apparently not
She: I just don't get it. Maybe we could take a little of that energy and look at Guantanamo?
Me: Oh no, that's too hard and scary.
Me: Let's make a horse into a savior!
She: You're right. Dead horse is so close to Jesus, I get confused sometimes.
Me: *snicker*

Shake Your Bootie

Listen up people, there is only ONE place to be this Saturday night and that place is BootieLA!

All the cool kids are going to be there shakin' it to the sounds of Party Ben & DJ Axel - we're even importing cool kids from Austin for the occasion!

Come on, you've been meaning to join us at Bootie for months - make April the month when you follow through and get your ass out on that dance floor!

I guarantee fabulous music, reasonably priced drinks, an awesome crowd, and dancing until you can't dance no more.

There may even be bacon afterwards. Do you really need more of an incentive than that?

I didn't think so.

The Monroe Complex

As a fat-but-healthy woman, I think it's important that women like me be represented in the media - to tip the scales (as it were) against the idea that only those who are unnatturally skinny can be smart, beautiful, or successful. Crystal Renn, Queen Latifah, Marilyn Wann, Mia Tyler, Jennifer Hudson, Margartet Cho... all of these women embody the fact that you can be intelligent, eloquent, glamorous, sexy, funny, and fabulous even if you don't conform to society's narrow definition of what a woman "should" be.

But Marilyn Monroe? Marilyn Monroe is not one of those women.

First of all, Marilyn Monroe was not a modern 14. She was closer to a modern 8 or 10* and I really wish people would stop throwing around Monroe's dress size as though it matters at all - the only point worth raising in this context is that she was a different body type than most other female stars of the time and was still considered to embody sexiness and desirability. But you know what? She still tortured herself to look that way. She had extensive facial re-construction, she plucked her hairline back almost two inches, she bleached her hair, she wore binding undergarments and lots of make-up. She killed herself by developing a drug and alcohol habit so that she wouldn't have to eat.

Why do so many fat women idolize her? Marilyn Monroe isn't some beacon of self-confidence who said to the world "Take me as I am, I am perfect unto myself." She was a depressed, broken woman who went to extraordinary lengths to unsuccessfully carve herself into the "ideal" woman as defined by her peers. She was a star in spite of failing to meet those rigid guidelines, not because of it.

To cling to Marilyn Monroe's dress size as some sort of goal, the pinnacle of "fat but still sexy," is just as bad as trying to look like the women in magazines, or trying to achieve some vague "societal goal." Size 14 is not the magic compromise for fat girls. You don't get to hang onto your veneer of self-confidence by saying "Well I want to lose weight, but I don't want to get down to one of those crazy sizes. I'm just going to starve myself into a 14 then stop."

Do you know who's supporting the multi-billion dollar diet industry? Women over size 14, most of whom are telling themselves exactly the same thing.

It is absolutely an unequivocally self-destructive to hold ourselves to *any* standard but the one our body naturally sets for itself. Some of us were meant to be 28s, some were meant to be 2s, and most everyone falls somewhere in between.

There's no way to predict where your natural size falls. The "math" that doctors offer for height vs. weight vs. BMI isn't much more scientific than alchemy. There is no magic formula. You have to be able to listen to your body and recognize that point at which you are eating well, exercising often, and feeling your best - even if you're wearing a size 18 at the time.

It's just a fucking tag, ladies - when are we going to stop letting a square inch of fabric with a number printed on it define our ENTIRE sense of self?

_____
*Ready-to-wear sizes began to change after WWII and shrunk steadily for several decades. Interestingly enough, sizes are currently getting *larger* because the clothing industry (perhaps rightfully) assumes that women will feel better (read: buy more clothes) wearing a smaller size even if their bodies haven't changed at all. This is how we end up with size 0 and even 00 - once the sizes 2s get bigger, the women who actually ARE that size need someting to wear.

A Fat Rant by Joy Nash

What follows is not really a rant at all, but a well-reasoned statement from an eloquent, sassy, beautiful woman:

"Fat" is an adjective that describes a particular body type; it is not an assessment of intelligence, beauty, or worth.

The Other Holiday

Ladies, travel back with me if you will to February the 14th...

Remember how your husband/boyfriend/new guy scored the perfect dinner reservations, sent that big vase of flowers to your office, or presented you with the perfect shiny new accessory? Remember how you gushed to all of your friends and co-workers the next day about how perfect Valentine's Day was? Of course you do, you would not shut up about it for a week afterwards.* He spent countless hours agonizing over every detail and the execution of his plan was flawless.

Ladies, that amount of effort doesn't come without a price and it's payback time.

March 14th is Steak & BJ Day - a day for you to show the men in your life how much they mean to you. No elaborate plans are required, no cards or flowers or sunset cruises are - just the two things that make men the happiest: a steak, and a blowjob. Easy!

To quote the ever wise Crickett:

Just one night, throw caution (and TMJ) to the wind. See a cute guy? Ask him out! You don't even have to reveal what you've got in store for him, just get that man a steak, put his meat in your mouth, and maybe the next day you can send him a nice email explaining the occasion and asking for the next date.

Don't let perfectly good men like Pretty Chris sit home alone on March 14th. Haven't you, on the nights that you were alone on that stupid, manufactured Hallmark holiday, wished for the phone or doorbell to ring unexpectedly with a surprising suitor on the other end? We're counting on you, ladies, to suck it up and even the score.

Now get out there, and get to workin' that beef (of both the hot and the rare varieties).

After all the effort that the guys go to on that horrible Hallmark holiday, it's only fair that we pay them back. Right?

-----
*OK, maybe that's just the woman who sits near me.

LoL (Literally!)

On average, kindergartners laugh 300 times each day. The typical adult laughs only 17 times each day. What happens to our laughter as we grow older? It seems to disappear amid the serious business of being an adult. I encourage you to recapture the silliness of the five-year-old within you. If the adult in you needs a reason, tell that adult that it’s good for you. -Mary Ellen Halloran

A few things that are currently making me laugh out loud:

• The T-Rex in the trailer for Meet the Robinsons: I have a big head, and little arms!
• The latest commercial for The Wedding Bells wherein Sherri Shepherd explains why brides should never run into each other.
• These bumper stickers.
• Watching my cats loll all over their scratchy box after I sprinkle fresh crack catnip on it.
• This bunny.
• Safe Now!
• Chuzzle - it's a fuzzy, non-stop explosion of adorable matching action!
• Spring! Because how can you not giggle gleefully when it's 75 degrees and sunny with a light breeze?

What's making you chuckle these days?

Skeleton Crew

I'm going to let you all in on a little secret: I don't watch a lot of television.

I know, I know, I should probably just turn in my industry card now, but I really don't have the patience for most of the "best" shows on television.

Grey's Anatomy annoys me with its whining and emotional exploitation. Lost frustrates me because its lazy writers just keep leading viewers farther into a mired storyline without providing one resolution or answer. I can't distinguish among the various CSIs and Law & Orders, so generic are their characters and plot lines, and I don't even want to comment on the glut of "reality" television shows monopolizing prime time programming.

There are a few that I enjoy: I'll sit down and watch Heroes, NUMB3RS, or What About Brian? if I happen to be home and flipping channels, but none of them grab me enough to make me remember to tune in weekly.

But Bones? Bones makes me want to get a Tivo so that I never ever miss an episode. From the Fox website:

BONES is a police procedural with humor and heart - a darkly amusing series that probes the humanity behind the scientists who probe the inhumanity behind horrific crimes.

The humanity is what sets Bones apart from from every other police/forensic program in production. Although the show does have a heavily technical element that appeals to my inner geek, Bones is more about a group of compelling characters who happen to work in forensics than it is about the science of their jobs. Having grown up around people who deal with the most horrific and heartbreaking parts of life on a daily basis, I know that they don't exist in a suspended state of professional stoicism. So I appreciate the fact that the characters on Bones have depth and complexity. They bond with their co-workers, they make mistakes, and they crack macabre jokes to cope with unimaginable horrors.

The writing is flawless, the cast has genuine chemistry, and the story arcs keep the viewer engaged without making them feel like they're being strung along (*coughLostcough*). Bones is the rare show that has been well thought-out and is being perfectly executed.

Also, would someone deliver TJ Thyne to my door wrapped in a bow. Please? Good lord but that man is pretty. Damn.

Are you people watching Bones yet? Why not? It is, hands down, the best show on television.

Happy Day!

Kathleen, I thought you'd appreciate this one:

So far I've been greeted with both giglgles & applause at work.

OK fine, just to balance out the snark, how about a story about eternal love? (via Teece)

Rules To Live By

The list below landed in my mailbox this morning and was well timed to coincide with some conversations that I've had with friends lately. It is an excerpt from Charles J. Sykes's book Dumbing Down Our Kids: Why American Children Feel Good About Themselves But Can't Read, Write, Or Add though it is commonly miscredited to Bill Gates.

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, BUT LIFE HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Rule 12: Smoking does not make you look cool. It makes you look moronic. Next time you're out cruising, watch an 11-year-old with a butt in his mouth. That's what you look like to anyone over 20. Ditto for "expressing yourself" with purple hair and/or pierced body parts. (Ed: I beg to differ on the hair point *g*)

Rule 13: You are not immortal. (See Rule No. 12) If you are under the impression that living fast, dying young and leaving a beautiful corpse is romantic, you obviously haven't seen one of your peers at room temperature lately.

Rule 14: Enjoy this while you can. Sure parents are a pain, school's a bother, and life is depressing. But someday you'll realize how wonderful it was to be a kid. Maybe you should start now. You're welcome.

Last Weekend Standing

Since this was my last full weekend off until March, I decided that I should do peaceful, relaxing things*. I went to Mongo's house for ribs & wine**, I got my hair cut, I spent some quality time with TC and Keith. I ran some errands, I cleaned my house,  I made a new friend***. I hung my fabulous new curtains, did some reading, and was in bed by 10pm Sunday night****.

Just a nice quiet weekend, really.

_____
*Or... things that may prevent me from ever running for office.
**There may also have been a highly alcoholic beverage that tasted exactly like Hawaiian Punch.
***And gave him my phone number
***Possibly because I didn't get home before 4am on Friday and Saturday night.

Hello, 2007!

And goodbye, 2006! Hallelujah.

I woke up this morning to the dulcet sounds of the Rose Parade's opening flyover and settled in to watch the parade commercial-free with a big mug of Red Chai tea.

Later, I'll head down to Orange County to watch the game with the North County USC Alumni Club.

   

Beer, football, parades? That's the way to start a new year!

Happy New Yar, everyone.

Resolved

In the year 2007 I resolve to: Dance randomly at work. Get your resolution here.

It's good to have goals, don't you think?

Amen

via Quirkee's interview with PostSecret's Frank Warren.

Edward Scissorhands

Sam Archer as Edward Scissorhands

Last night, I was lucky enough to score a ticket to see Edward Scissorhands at the Ahmanson Theater. It's good to have friends on tour! Choreographed by Matthew Bourne (best known in the US for his all-male interpretation of Swan Lake), Edward Scissorhands isn't the movie brought to stage but rather a wonderful re-imagining of Burton's gentle hero. The children and teenagers in the crowd are always a good indication of a show's success; it was wonderful to hear so many gasps, silences, and squeals of glee as the story unfolded.

I confess, even I wanted to squeal when the topiaries came to life and danced around Edward's garden.

There are many "Oooh" moments, but dance aficionados will watch Edward & Kim's final Pas de Deux with rapt attention - just the mechanics of choreographing it are stunning.

After spending so much of my life in the theater it's often difficult for me to lose myself in shows, but I was perfectly at ease in Bourne's world. Edward Scissorhands seemed to me the perfect combination of fantastical entertainment and heart-achingly poignant story telling.

Togetherness

Just one more reason to love Bones:

Booth: Well, nothing brings people together like a Christmas lung fungus.

I *have* to get a DVR before the new season starts in January.

World AIDS Day

Around forty million people are living with HIV throughout the world - and that number increases in every region every day. In the UK alone, more than 60,000 people are living with HIV and more than 7,000 more are diagnosed every year. Ignorance and prejudice are fuelling the spread of a preventable disease.

World AIDS Day, 1 December is an opportunity for people worldwide to unite in the fight against HIV and AIDS. This year, it's up to you, me and us to stop the spread of HIV and end prejudice.

Did you know that in the US two teenagers are infected with HIV every hour?

Wear the ribbon. Light a candle. Talk to people. And donate to the marathon that I'm running for AIDS Project Los Angeles. The deadline for donations is next Friday, December 8th.