Loss

Have you ever felt... disconnected from your life? In attendance, but not really present?

I stared at the words above for well over an hour, at a complete loss for what to say next. I don't know how to describe the bizarre feeling of detachment that I've been battling all summer, nor do I know how to explain its presence.

I'm at a loss.

Then again, perhaps that is root of the problem. I'm at a loss.

I've reached another crossroads in my life, a point at which I'm looking back on the journey thus far and forward to the next possible legs, and I don't know how to interpret what I see.

I'm not where I thought I'd be at 31.

That's not to say that I'm necessarily unhappy with where I am, just that I don't know how to qualify the current state of my life. All of the milestones by which I'd thought to measure my life have been rendered invalid by the choices and decisions that I've made and I find myself without a guide against which to gauge my own progress.

It's a strange feeling.

On the surface, I'm living my life as usual. Going to work, training, spending time with friends and loved ones, but most of the time I feel as though I'm very far away... as though the colors of my life are as muted as stained glass on a cloudy day.

Muffled. Disconnected.

Worse, though, than the feeling of living my life through a layer of cotton batting is the fact that I don't know what to do about it.

How do I mark the journey when the  signposts are all missing?

For now, I'm at a loss.

Comments

[Dave2]

I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say I feel like this most days now. It's kind of depressing feeling like you're just bumbling around in life... doing what you feel you should be doing until you bounce into a wall and have to change direction. Where's my master plan? I could have sworn that I had one at some point...