Spring Forward

Sizzle totally climbed into my head this morning to write her post about moving on:

But it is never easier to ignore your gut, to not put out the effort to live your best life, or to challenge yourself forward.

Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. It's time for me to move on, too.

I don't know quite what's gotten into me lately. Maybe it's the vibrant new energy of spring unfurling all around me, maybe it's the surge of energy created by having to uproot my entire life in the space of a week, or maybe it's just time; whatever the motivation, I'm ready to take the leap.

At age 30, I'm tired of having a day job to pay the bills while I stuff my passion projects around the edges. Don't get me wrong, I'm lucky to have a reasonably stable and well-paying job that I enjoy (most of the time), but I didn't get into this line of work because I love it - I did it because I have a knack for it.

Specifically, I did it because once upon a time an incredibly cruel drama teacher told me that I was too fat to act, but perhaps I'd be a good stage manager since I was so organized. I was too vulnerable to his "wisdom" to realize how fucked up that statement was, so I dutifully began stage managing and convinced myself that I loved making schedules and run sheets just as much as I loved writing and performing.

It's amazing how firmly you can convince yourself of something, isn't it?

I bought my own line of bullshit so completely that when I got to college, I dropped out of the School of Engineering to "follow my passion" and get a degree in Stage Management. Interestingly, the essay that I wrote for admission to the School of Theatre described the dreams of a very small girl who wanted to be an actress and a playwright. This did not strike me as odd at the time; I went merrily along to get my Stage Management degree and embark on a winding career path that took me through live theater, Broadway tours, large scale events, and finally to the technical & logistical side of live television.

It took me fifteen years to realize that there's a difference between loving something and having a knack for it, but now that I have realized it my job chafes like an ill-fitting shirt; I find myself constantly squirming and pulling at it, trying to make it fit. But it's never going to fit, so I think it's time to discard that shirt and go shopping for a whole new wardrobe.

Leap, and the net will appear.

Comments

[Hilly]

You know what is funny? Two days ago I wrote a post about being stuck versus moving forward and left it in my blog drafts. Now that everybody is talking about it, I think I should too.

I loved this post, you ass kicker, you!

[Kathleen]

I know how huge it is to make this decision and then leap. Rock on!

[matthewshiner]

Sometimes your only available transportation is a leap of faith. If there is anyone who will learn to fly by leaping from where they are safely know, it's you. What the hell in this world can't you do?

[Teece]

OH FUCK YEAH!!!!

*singing "Come fly with me. Come Fly... let's fly away." *

It's all about knowing the net will appear.