Ordinary Extraordinary

Ghost in a Teeny Bikini

So I'm watching this movie on Skinemax Cinemax called Ghost in a Teeny Bikini.

(Hey, you'd get sucked into it too if you happened to flip past it as I did, just when a French maid was making awkward sexual innuendos and brandishing her feather duster like a baseball bat. Some things are so awful that you just can't look away.)

I have decided that this is my new favorite Cinemax-after-dark trainwreck for two reasons:

1. It's about a ghost. In a bikini. An invisible ghost in a (teeny) hot pink bikini!
2. It's a musical. A musical softcore porn about a ghost who wears a (teeny) hot pink bikini! Please enjoy the full scope of that mental image.

The butler, who is supposed to look like Frankenstein but looks more like a stoner wearing lift shoes, adds plenty of comedic value too.

Best Worst Movie Ever, seriously.

Role Reversal

If you ever have the chance to pull over a cop, I highly suggest you do it.

While at Nerd Prom 2007, I spent two hours standing in the middle of a 6-lane street slowing and directing traffic. The "why" isn't terribly important, but it is not an understatement to say that my job (and the jobs of lots of other people) was entirely dependent on my doing this.

What an interesting social experiment THAT turned out to be. People are assholes. I was standing in the middle of a very busy street, very obviously trying to keep everything moving in a slow and orderly way, and I cannot tell you how many people raced past me, screamed obscenities at me, or (my favorite) slowed down until they were a few feet away from me and then gunned it. I hate people. Especially people who drive cars in Southern California.

After about 45 minutes of being abused while standing in the blazing hot sun during my 10th hour of work, my patience wore dangerously thin. When I saw a white Ford Explorer coming around the corner WAY too fast, I put up my hands in the universal gesture of "slow down, cowboy" and got no response.  I waved my brightly colored "SLOW" sign and smiled; no response. At this point the guy was coming way too fast and not only was he in danger of hitting me, he was also in danger of destroying the whole reason for me to be directing traffic in the first place.

So, I started to yell.

"Slow down, slow down, slow the HELL down, asshole!"

It was right about the time that my lip were forming the "h" in "asshole" that he got close enough for me to see the San Diego Police Department graphics on his side door.

Shitshitshitshitshit.

He blew past, screeched to a halt, made a u-turn, and headed straight for me. I was absolutely convinced that he was going to arrest me and prayed that my boss would bail me out. When the officer pulled up next to me and rolled down his window, his face was absolutely expressionless:

He: Ma'am.
Me: Hello officer.
He: That was very rude of me.
Me: *blinkblinkblink* Pardon?
He: To blow past you like that, it was very rude of me. I saw you there but I have to be somewhere, so I didn't slow down. I'm sorry about that.
Me: Oh, um, that's ok. I'm sure you have someplace to be...
He: That's no excuse for my behavior; I really am very sorry. I shouldn't be racing around like that without a lightbar or siren (his truck had neither). If you'd like to take my badge number and file a complaint, I completely understand.
Me: No, I don't think I need to do that. Thank you for turning around to apologize, though. I really appreciate it.
He: Do you want my number, er, badge number anyway?
Me: *blinkblinkblinkdidhejust?blinkblink* No, that's really not necessary, but thanks. You're very sweet.
He: Well you have a good day ma'am. Good luck out here.
Me: Thanks; you too, officer.

I would say that was the strangest thing that happened while I was standing out there, but about twenty minutes later a woman pulled out of traffic and ran up to me exclaiming excitedly "I know you, I know, you I totally know you!" Turns out we knew one another at summer camp, in Maine, twelve years ago - she recognized me from 50 yards while I was wearing both a hat and sunglasses. That was the strangest thing that happened while I was standing in the middle of the street.

Yelling at, and then subsequently getting hit on by, a cop was a really close second, though.

Back to life, back to reality

Did anyone get the name of the month that hit me?

What was that? July you say? Hmm... I'm not familiar with the word....

You know the story by now: Work ate my life. I've averaged 65 hours a week since the Fourth, with the added bonus of being in San Diego all of last week for Nerd Prom 2007. We did three massive shows back-to-back-to-back and by the time I got home on Saturday, I barely knew my own name. The cats had no idea who I was, either.

Is anyone else tired of this story? 'Cause I sure am.

Fortunately, we only have one teeny tiny event this month and it requires minimal work on my part. For the rest of August I am free! Free to go home before 7pm, free to train the girl who will be taking over my previous job (the one that I'm still doing, simultaneous to my current job), free to see my friends (at least I think that's what I'm supposed to call those nice people who leave me voicemails inquiring about my health.), free to figure out how to keep a modicum of balance the next time a huge event looms.

I decided to celebrate my hard-earned downtime by taking Friday off. It's my birthday (30 - eek!) and there's nothing pressing to do at work so I am going to keep myself as far away from the office as humanly possible. I don't know quite what I'm going to do yet, Mongo suggested a spa day so I'm taking that under advisement, but the important part is that I will not be at work. Woohoo!

For The Birds

Just now, in the Control Room:

Engineer: Remote Location #1 can't do their Transmissions check; their engineer hasn't shown up yet.
Me: How long do we have the bird*?
Engineer: Until the end of the hit, but Remote Location #2 is supposed to do their check at 6 and we can't take them at the same time.
Me: Location #2 is ahead of schedule, call their engineer and see if they can get up on the bird early. If we can check Location #2 while Location #1 is working on their uplink, we won't be too far behind.
Engineer: So you want Location #2 to be the early bird?
Me: *groan* Something like that, yeah.
Engineer: Somedays, this job is for the birds.

I haven't even had my morning coffee yet - because it's freaking 5:15am and I think that still technically qualifies as night.

_____
*bird = satellite

Silence

A co-worker of mine committed suicide this morning. He jumped off a freeway overpass and plunged into rush hour traffic. Every time I think about it, my whole body seizes up and for a moment I can't remember how to breathe. Although he and I weren't particularly close, this is so much more awful than Curtis or Tom's deaths were.

We worked in different departments and didn't spend time together socially, but our jobs crossed a couple of times a week and he sat just a few desks away from me. He was a good-natured sort, always helpful and friendly. The last time I saw him we compared notes about the Fourth and shared a good-humored eyeroll about how crazy work has been lately. I never picked up on even a hint of the yawning blackness that must have been consuming him, nor did anyone else who knew him better than I.

How far beyond despair must a person be to dive headfirst onto a busy freeway? Even in my darkest moments, I could never have imagined doing something so brutal to myself.

It was a horrible, wrenching way to start a morning, but it also smacked us collectively with a cold, hard dose of perspective. You could hear the mad carousel wind down to a screeching halt as we all tried to absorb the news and asked ourselves the same silent questions: Why are we allowing ourselves to be overworked into a frenzy? Isn't there someone we should be spending more time with, or something we've been meaning to do?  There were a few moments of absolute silence as we searched each other's faces for answers.

Slowly the carousel regained its momentum and we all climbed back on, whirling towards deadlines to a soundtrack of chaos & panic, but it was the silence that lingered in our ears.

v 2.0

Phew, more than two weeks without a post! Need I explain that my life has been a bit of a whirlwind lately?

I took some time off last week, though, and have returned from Santa Barbara both refreshed and resolved to approach a few areas of my life differently.

I also returned with a trail version of Photoshop CS3, which explains the brand spanking new look of the site. I'm still fiddling around with the details; this masthead was my first attempt at using custom brushes and advanced layering so I'm not completely happy with it yet, but it's a start.

What do you guys think?