The Monroe Complex

As a fat-but-healthy woman, I think it's important that women like me be represented in the media - to tip the scales (as it were) against the idea that only those who are unnatturally skinny can be smart, beautiful, or successful. Crystal Renn, Queen Latifah, Marilyn Wann, Mia Tyler, Jennifer Hudson, Margartet Cho... all of these women embody the fact that you can be intelligent, eloquent, glamorous, sexy, funny, and fabulous even if you don't conform to society's narrow definition of what a woman "should" be.

But Marilyn Monroe? Marilyn Monroe is not one of those women.

First of all, Marilyn Monroe was not a modern 14. She was closer to a modern 8 or 10* and I really wish people would stop throwing around Monroe's dress size as though it matters at all - the only point worth raising in this context is that she was a different body type than most other female stars of the time and was still considered to embody sexiness and desirability. But you know what? She still tortured herself to look that way. She had extensive facial re-construction, she plucked her hairline back almost two inches, she bleached her hair, she wore binding undergarments and lots of make-up. She killed herself by developing a drug and alcohol habit so that she wouldn't have to eat.

Why do so many fat women idolize her? Marilyn Monroe isn't some beacon of self-confidence who said to the world "Take me as I am, I am perfect unto myself." She was a depressed, broken woman who went to extraordinary lengths to unsuccessfully carve herself into the "ideal" woman as defined by her peers. She was a star in spite of failing to meet those rigid guidelines, not because of it.

To cling to Marilyn Monroe's dress size as some sort of goal, the pinnacle of "fat but still sexy," is just as bad as trying to look like the women in magazines, or trying to achieve some vague "societal goal." Size 14 is not the magic compromise for fat girls. You don't get to hang onto your veneer of self-confidence by saying "Well I want to lose weight, but I don't want to get down to one of those crazy sizes. I'm just going to starve myself into a 14 then stop."

Do you know who's supporting the multi-billion dollar diet industry? Women over size 14, most of whom are telling themselves exactly the same thing.

It is absolutely an unequivocally self-destructive to hold ourselves to *any* standard but the one our body naturally sets for itself. Some of us were meant to be 28s, some were meant to be 2s, and most everyone falls somewhere in between.

There's no way to predict where your natural size falls. The "math" that doctors offer for height vs. weight vs. BMI isn't much more scientific than alchemy. There is no magic formula. You have to be able to listen to your body and recognize that point at which you are eating well, exercising often, and feeling your best - even if you're wearing a size 18 at the time.

It's just a fucking tag, ladies - when are we going to stop letting a square inch of fabric with a number printed on it define our ENTIRE sense of self?

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*Ready-to-wear sizes began to change after WWII and shrunk steadily for several decades. Interestingly enough, sizes are currently getting *larger* because the clothing industry (perhaps rightfully) assumes that women will feel better (read: buy more clothes) wearing a smaller size even if their bodies haven't changed at all. This is how we end up with size 0 and even 00 - once the sizes 2s get bigger, the women who actually ARE that size need someting to wear.

Comments

[Erin]

I loved this blog. Thank you. It is disturbing how much of a womans identity is defined by her size. I think that people ignore the fact that Marilyn Monroe was not only property of Hollywood, but she was mentally ill and unhappy with herself most of the time, as evidenced by her booze and pill habit. It is really heartbreaking how she met her end, but equally unfortunate that people think she is a role model for healthy weight and dieting. It seems to me that most women are unhappy with themselves, no matter what size they are. I wish people would stop associating healthiness with thinness. Aargh!

So, in a nutshell, right on!