The Plot

or, Why I spent a week and a half lying through my teeth

Forget what you learned in kindergarten... sometimes, it's perfectly acceptable to tell one or two (or forty-six) lies to someone close to you.

Last Tuesday, I had an Idea. It was the kind of idea that was so outlandish, so grand in its scale, that I immediately dismissed it.

But the Idea refused to be silenced.

My darling friend Teece has a new paramour. I can't think of two people more perfectly matched and they're deliriously, cavity-inducingly happy together, but there's one minor glitch.

This new paramour, Tag by name, currently lives in Chicago. It's not a permanent situation, but the distance is hard on them - particularly now, when work obligations and financial boundaries conspired to keep them apart until mid-July. Having been in a long-distance relationship, I know that pain all too well. So last Tuesday, when Teece was grumbling about how much she wished Tag could be here for tonight's Bootie, the Idea appeared in my head: Wouldn't it be awesome if I could somehow fly Tag in to surprise her?

I immediately brushed the thought off as ridiculous. I'm not rich enough to be flying people around the country on a whim plus, I'd never so much as spoken to Tag. Clearly this was an impossible dream.

When I was still thinking about it the next morning, I decided that it wasn't impossible... but to pull it off? I was going to need some serious help.

My first challenge was to track down Baisleac and Dream School. I found Baisleac easily and she saved the day by having an email address for Dream School. Score! While we all traded emails about pooling funds for a plane ticket, I set off to track down Tag.

I had all sorts of elaborate plans in mind for snatching Teece's phone and getting his number, but I didn't have to resort to any of them. Wednesday morning, she copied a bit of Tag's IM into our IM window and suddenly, I had his screenname.

Much to Tag's credit, he did not write me off as a crazy person when I IM'd him with Hi, you don't know me but my name's amandarin and I'm a friend of Teece's. If I can come up with a ticket, could you get on a plane next Friday night? I don't think he even batted an eyelash... his answer was simply oh man. let me check.

We love that about him.

Baisleac & Dream School were totally in and standing by with their airfare funds, so Tag and I spent the rest of the week going back and forth about his schedule, possible flight times, etc. Teece was none the wiser, even though I almost blew it completely on Friday night. (She asked me to send Tag a picture that I'd taken of her on my phone and I had it sent before she'd given me his number. The gods were with me, though, and she didn't notice.)

The holiday weekend passed and all of our plans were still tentative on Tuesday morning. Were we going to pull this off?

Yes! The Scheduling & Airfare Gods blessed us and suddenly everything fell into place. Tag got his work obligations covered, Baisleac & Dream School sent over their funds, and I purchased the ticket.

Then Tag tried not to hyperventilate when he got the email itinerary. I don't think he believed we were serious until he had the ticket in his Inbox. I suppose it's normal to be shocked when three people you've never met turn up and arrange a sudden weekend trip for you, though.

Once the ticket was purchased you'd think that all we had to do was coast through the week and try to keep from blowing the secret, right?

Wrong.

Late on Wednesday, Teece mentioned that she was planning to spend Friday night and all day Saturday with a girlfriend. That didn't quite jive with the whole Tag-arriving-Friday-night plan, and the problem was compounded by the fact that neither Baisleac, Dream School, nor I know this girlfriend. We had NO way to get in touch with her.

Panic ensued.

After a 14 step espionage mission and a few bribes to low-level government officials, we finally reached the mystery friend and explained the situation. She loved the idea and promised to come up with a good reason to bail on Teece for Friday. Crisis averted.

We spent the rest of the week trying not spoil the surprise or die from anticipation.

Friday evening finally arrived and we set our plan in motion: Dream School was in charge of keeping Teece occupied at home while Baisleac & I retrieved Tag from LAX. We spent a lot of time giggling, and dancing in our seats that we were so close to the climax of the Idea.

Neither one of us was particularly perturbed that we didn't really know what Tag looked like... we (rightly) assumed that he would be the only guy who looked like he was about to suffer a massive stress-induced coronary. With no time to waste, we made our introductions as we were walking out to the parking garage and soon we were headed towards Ground Zero.

17 miles have never seemed so long.

After warning Dream School via text message that we had arrived, we crept silently around the side of the building. Baisleac & I positioned Tag at the entrance to Teece's courtyard and scurried out of the way to a good vantage point.

Tag took a deep breath and dialed the phone.

He: Hi baby, sorry it's taken me so long to call you, my flight into Minneapolis got way delayed.
He: Yeah, I know. Hey, do you remember in San Diego, how we were talking about the stars? Well I'm standing on the balcony of my hotel room now, looking up at them. Will you go outside, so we can look at them together?

Teece emerges from her apartment, cell phone still up to her ear

He: Hi
She: . . .
She: . . .
She: . . . hi. . . is it? Are you? OH MY GOD!!!

The look on her face was priceless.

Much mumbling and kissing as Teece flies down the stairs and pounces him. When she finally comes up for air:

She: You BITCHES!!! Oh my god I love you all.

We chatted just long enough for Tag to be formally introduced to Dream School and then we three co-conspirators beat a hasty retreat. When I drove past the building on my way home, Tag & Teece were still standing in the courtyard... wrapped in each other's arms.

It was flawless, and worth every single second of agony.

I still can't believe we pulled it off.

Comments

[Adri]

That is so effing awesome I can't even put it into words. I SO wish I had been there for that. But I was there in spirit!!

[daz]

*sniff*

*sniff*

OMG you rawwwwk. :D

[baiseac]

::just squees happily::

[Karl]

Egads, woman, you're getting me all watery-eyed. That's marvelous. What a phenomenal friend you are, and your mates, too. I'm going to start calling you Mrs. Roarke.

[Ninja Rad]

you ROCK!

[Teece]

I can't find enough places on the web to write it.....

THANK YOU!!! THANK YOU!!! THANK YOU!!

Both Tag & I are still in that bouncing, walking on clouds, "omg, did it really happen" place.... and we have 3 amazing women to thank for it.

Love you!

[Tag]

hehee...I'm almost responding more to the comment above me (isn't she amazingly wonderful while simultaneously being both cute and hot as hell!)but yeah...still walking on those clouds.

Thank You!!!

[B.J.]

Wow... I've never heard of such a giving display of friendship before. You have restored my faith in humanity!

That was an awesome thing you guys did for them.

[martin]

You're ace, you are.

[xenophile]

That is the SWEETEST thing I have ever read. You chicks are AWESOME.

-a friend of Tag's