Helpful Advice

Online dating really is like a giant petri dish for social interaction, isn't it?

In an attempt to protect L.A.'s innocent bachelors fend off the asshats, there is a disclaimer at the bottom of my personals ad that says I'm unapologetically a BBW. I'm fit, athletic, graceful, and proportional, but I'm not a size 6. If that's not your style, I'm not your girl. ;-).

Who knew that would be such an incendiary sentence?

Amongst the offers for nights of degradation and the (very) few sincere replies, I found two emails with the same subject line:

#1

Subject: Helpful Advice

"fit" means not overweight.  I was overweight myself, so don't take this the wrong way - but if you're expecting an attractive man you'll have to lose weight.

And the bitchy tone you take with "unapologetically a BBW", etc. makes you sound bitter and mean.  Makes the average man want to run honey. (Ed: Good thing I'm not looking for an "average man")

Anyway, I really only means this as friendly advice coming from a girl who was once overweight too. 

Cheers

Cindy

First of all, honey, I didn't ask for your advice and emailing it to me isn't altruistic so much as it is arrogant. What are you doing reading ads in the Women for Men section anyway? If you're so thin now you must have "attractive" men throwing themselves at you, right?

Oh, wait, you're still sitting home on a Thursday night cruising the personals. What's wrong with this picture?

#2

Subject: Helpful Advice

you mentioned: I'm unapologetically a BBW. I'm fit, athletic, graceful, and proportional, but I'm not a size 6. If that's not your style, I'm not your girl. ;-)

Dear lose that weight do yourself a favor you would get a nice guy if you didn't have all that lard stuck to your carcass. There is no reasont to be hitting the "crisco jar" or the "betty crocker" aisle at the supermarket constantly. By stating the that phrase you have no desire to really please yourself and any man that you would like to be involved with. A real man wants to come home to a smokin hot chick who has curves not stare at some fat whale

Sergio

There are so many things wrong with this email I don't even know where to start, but it would be helpful if it was written in something resembling proper English. Clearly he's in too much of a hurry to get home to that "smokin hot chick" to worry about capitalizing or punctuating.

Hang on... he's browing the personals too.

Perhpas I should introduce Cindy to Sergio! I'm sure they'd be very happy together, running other people's lives.

It's time to cap this dish and throw it in the biohazard bin; thank god Margaret Cho is here to offer some perspective.

I am beautiful now.

Comments

[Adri]

Hell yes you are.

[Kathleen]

Seriously, you are a better person than I.

[Jason T.]

Have you tried using http://www.consumating.com ? I'm biased because it's my man Ben Brown's creation and I trust him to not create a dating site to be for the assholes and I'm thinking about trying it out myself so I'm curious if you're up on that one and whether or not you've run into the same idiots.

[Teece]

GooodChrist, i can't belive these people. Seriously, it's foul that they continue to exist. I hope by the grace of Darwin that something awful comes along and removes them from the gene pool. UGH.

as i told you last night at dinner, you look terrific.